Intelligence Among Us

We were in Chatham this weekend visiting friends and on the way home we stopped to visit Cindy’s grave for the first time since the funeral.   It was a holiday Monday and very hot.  I felt a lot of trepidation walking up to her final resting place.  The girls were fine and in good spirits.

Looking at the headstone I noticed that Chloe’s name was spelled incorrectly which I found quite upsetting.  It seemed like some kind of symbolic final metaphorical insult on a troubled life.  I need to find out how to get it fixed.   I think the heat of the day and the emptiness of the cemetary contributed to my reaction as well.

Melody left a picture and a piece of wood she had from the weekened.  Chloe actually found it funny that her name was spelled wrong.  We stayed for 10 minutes.  As we pulled away Mel yelled, “Good-bye Mommy!  I love you!”   I started to cry as we left and needed to get out of the car for a few minutes.  Tanja was wonderful as she always is.

The finality of  it all was somewhat overwhelming and it causes me to retrace the convoluted and complicated events that led here over and over.  Life moves on and we’ll be fine but I imagine these visits will always be hard.  I think that’s OK.

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